The Perceived Normal

The stay home slogan has become synonymous with social distancing, being responsible and doing the right thing. So how come, some of us have embraced the stay home with more vigour and ease than others? Why is it that some people are climbing the walls, not knowing what to do with themselves, waiting for this to end and yet some are just going with the flow.

Your behaviour and my behaviour might look the same, but why I do what I do might be completely different

What’s the root cause of such irritation and difficulty during this time of lockdown? We may be spending more time with our partner and kids than we ever have before or experiencing being isolated and on our own. Actions and behaviours that we didn’t notice before become highlighted. Your behaviour and my behaviour might look the same, but why I do what I do might be completely different. What drives me to show up in the world the way I do, even though it looks similar on the surface, could be for completely different reasons. I might be kind and generous to you because I want to be connected, for someone else it may because it’s right and just and yet for another because it ensures some form of security. 

‘Mindsight’ is a term coined by Dr. Dan Siegel to describe our human capacity to perceive the mind of the self and others. He says ‘it is a powerful lens through which we can understand our inner lives with more clarity, integrate the brain, and enhance our relationships with others’. The WID Factor – Why I Do What I Do, confirms with modern science what ancient wisdom has told us for years - that we all have and use three centres of Intelligence – the head (thinking), heart (feeling) and gut (sensing). In each of us, one of these three intelligences is more dominant and tends to rule the way we show up in the world. 

Being aware of what drives each of us helps to understand what triggers us.

When spending time with people in isolation for an extended period, we can find our buttons are being pushed because their dominant intelligence, which drives their focus of attention, may be different to our own. Being aware of what drives each of us helps to understand what triggers us. 

During this time of COVID-19, agencies such as Beyond Blue and Lifeline and other mental health support centres are being overwhelmed with people not knowing what to do with the reactions from these triggers and the situations they create. If we can understand the core motivation for our behaviour, what drives the focus of our attention, we can learn to respond with compassion for ourselves and others. 

We need to consider do we want to go back to what we perceived as normal?

We need to consider do we want to go back to what we perceived as normal? Or had we just normalised a way of life that caused burnout and exhaustion by promoting greed, exploitation and disconnection? 

This is the opportunity we’ve been given to create a new normal which allows us to view all three centres of intelligence with the fresh eyes of generosity, understanding and connection. In doing so, we can activate a three centred truth that integrates humanity and nature to create wellbeing.

This article was inspired by conversations with colleague Margaret Loftus over the past weeks.